It can be hard when you don’t fit in
Inadvertently anonymous and can’t catch a glance
But I read some books
Listened to some records
And found out how I could make it my advantage
I’m not too supple
Not too svelte
I can’t touch my toes
Unless my knees are bent
Though I learnt that I could squeeze in all sorts of places
With the right mentality and confidences
Snuck a round of golf at Mar-a-Lago
Saying I was a Trump cousin from Chicago
I just played the putting greens
Then free meal in the brasserie

The staff were so polite
Laid on a limo to catch our flight that night
Handshakes and came to wave us off
But they didn’t know what they’d got

I caused that minor disruption at the Tory party conference
We were on the line twenty twelve hundred metres
Stooped low for an extra hour’s bowling
By claiming to suffer from a serious illness
‘This might be my last strike tonight’
I told it just right
The beer was so cold and tasted like metal
Dan struck a double-bagger
I never saw better

Got me and Jean to meet all the great songwriters
Jimmy Webb
Carole King
But never Neil Diamond

Upgraded from economy
After Jean left me
Flying on dad’s passport
Fast-tracked
Backpack and holes in jeans
May the doctor rest in peace

Where am I now?
What’s left?
Got tales to tell
But no ears to reach
I’ve been on some lovely dates
But my core sores and dives
I’m like Jonathan Seagull
Outcast from the flock
Who didn’t know what they’d got
Keep working on love
Keep working on love
Keep working on love
Keep working on love
Keep working on love
Keep working on love
Keep working on love
Keep working on love